When I was a little boy
My momma gave me a teddy bear
He was a deep chocolate, had pretty brown, marble eyes
And a stitched up smile that made my eyes light up
The thing about this teddy bear is that he wasn’t just a toy
He represented more than just play time
He became my place of comfort
When I was scared, I held him
When I was sad, I held him
When I needed love, I held him
He was my refuge of affection and endearment
He was my friend
I didn’t know a lot about love at the time
All I know is that he made me feel on top of the world
And i found safety in his warm, fuzzy coat of stuffed hair
Now, I’m older. Wiser. Smarter.
The love I need can no longer be fulfilled by my childhood teddy bear
But the amazing thing is…You’ve become my Teddy Bear!
Your milk chocolate skin. You deep brown eyes
Your smile that lights up a room
When you’re away, anxiety overwhelms me!
I feel incomplete, like a Christmas tree missing it’s golden star
But when you come around, your presence let’s me know everything is okay
Warmth rushes my skin… .I have now found comfort again.
I feel protected with you
I feel alive with you
I can fly right through the clouds because of you
That’s who you are…my Teddy Bear!
I want you to be my Teddy Bear!
Are you willing to be my Teddy Bear?
See you have a choice, my childhood didnt.
It’s assignment was to love me unconditionally
But you can choose to say “no” and forget me
You can tell yourself that this job is too much
and you dare not be held accountable for giving me your love
Being my Teddy is definitely a job
But be reassured it comes with benefits and a lifelong pension too
All of our encounters have been interviews in secret
Me filling you out, seeing what you’re about
But i know without a shadow of a doubt, that you are meant to be my Teddy Bear!
Just the same… .
I can be the same for you.
Wipe your eyes when tears begin to flood them
Kiss you passionately when your heart longs for affection
Be honest with you when the world clouds you with lies
Support you when your foundation starts to crumble
I’m not interested in sex
I’m not interested in titles
I’m not interested in temporary affection
My interest is your heart
I want to impact it. Let you feel my energy, my electricity when we’re touching me.
Look into your eyes and see paradise within them
I want love everlasting. A covenant. A commitment.
I want to be everything you need. No more lack. No more almost.
And I can be… .if you let me…be your Teddy Bear!
It’s human nature to be fearful
To be afraid of what you dont know…of what’s to come
But this battle doesn’t have to be fought alone
I can be your refuge. I can be your safety… .if you let me… .be your Teddy Bear!
I have seen your heart.
I have seen your identity.
And I choose you, to be there for me. To be all I need
The addition to my complete!
Will you be that?
Will you be him?
Will you be my Teddy Bear?
I present myself to you. Naked and true
Because I can be the same for you!
Traveling in an Abyss of indecisiveness and longing.
Working tirelessly to grasp fulfillment, but only missing the mark by an inch of ‘Try Again’
Waiting for the right moment, waiting for the right time
Where do I go?
What do I do?
Who do I take with me?
What do I leave behind?
I’m ready for this journey but I’m warring with this choice.
Excited for what’s ahead but letting go of comfort ignites a fear so deep
That fire of fear burns me.
Attempting to burn away all remnants of dreams. All remnants of things
Good or remotely positive
Here I am!
Trying to balance this uneven flesh.
Trying to control this black and white mess.
Good is within me, evil attracts me.
Blinding my eyes from the poison awaiting.
Who I take with me?
Arms getting heavy, feet getting weak.
The chains of emotions weigh me down so seductively
I feel myself falling. My heart is getting stuck.
My mouth is steady dripping for the quenching of enough.
Battling the antagonist that reveals itself as me.
Looking in the mirror. Dissecting my own eyes.
Trying to decipher the choice to live or surely die.
Tears fill my eyes like a damn ready to burst.
Anticipating floods of choices only meant to hurt.
I hear a voice calling me saying “come this way”
I don’t know the future whether years or day by day
Voices fill my head and I know them oh so well
Convincing me to stay right here, a “here” disguised, but a “here” thats……hell
I bow my head in silence transforming my mind into a sword.
Ready to kill all obstacles that are meant to feed me fear
Killing all doubt, killing the “NO’s”
Killing those thoughts that that tell me “I cant” that “Im not good enough” and that “I will never make it”
Gazing into blackness not knowing what to do next
A cut of light appears revealing the next step
Do I take this journey without the knowledge of my decisions
Or do I stay behind and wonder what my dreams could be?
Who will I be?
The journey the begins with me…
As I sit and reminisce
About a kiss that’s just a wish
My conscience is at war with my heart
Clouding my judgment from the truth, from the real
See I allowed my lustful eye to motivate my desires
All the while my mind was warning me of the demise
That would come in time
I ignored the CAUTION signs as I daydreamed about your eyes
How innocent they are while glistening in the light
Thinking about how I get lost in their depth
The more and more I look at you
I forced my feet beyond they veil of NO TRESPASSING
The more I pondered on your smile
Whenever you would come around it sent light through my body
So white, so pure, so sincere
Couldn’t help but wonder what morning would be
If I woke up to your love-filled grin
Basking in the ambiance of the possibility of you and me
Interrupted quickly by reality
As my mind consistently
Attempts to convince me
That this love will never be
Mind and heart are warring
Desire vs. logic
Pleasure vs. Principle
Wanting vs. Needing
Fantasy vs. tangibility
Is it so bad to wanna love you
So bad to wanna please you
Am I wrong for longing to be there for you
Be the reason you find joy in waking up everyday
But as reality sets in
And truth becomes clearer as the gray clouds evaporate
I realize my faults
I made the preparations for an unreachable outcome
I established expectations that were beyond my accomplishment
Giving myself hope in a dream that wasn’t meant to come true
Breaking free of the hypnosis i performed on myelf
Causing me to only see a future involving you and me
Stopping myself from dreaming of your lips
Kissing me so passionately
Telling me you love me with the action of their softness
Hitting my skin so gently
I must not force fate to work in my favor
But just let destiny reveal to me what is truly meant for me
I ignored the SIGNS
I ignored the warnings
And my heart had to pay the price
When reality closed in on me
But within my deepest depths
I will always hold true, hold near… .this dream
Your MY dream!